Fictionwocky Leg 21

The Weather Report Leg

I decided to keep with the theme of the last 2 days (the Hell Mouth in Yellowstone).

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Hi, folks, it’s Jim here with the weather. It’s gonna be a scorcher out there today! You can expect temps to climb to 150 F or higher, so it’s best to stay indoors if your overseer allows you.

—ouch!— i said if they’d allow it, stop poking me with that—

Right, I just got a pointed reminder that, ahem, it’s totally up to your overseer whether you can stay indoors. All hail the Beast!

For the rest of the week, we’ve got a high-pressure system parked over the East Coast, thanks to the Hell Mouth’s influx of sulphuric acid and superheated air in what used to be Yellowstone National Park. All that’s playing havoc with our weather systems. You can expect the high pressure to stick around indefinitely, which means rain is definitely not in our forecast for the foreseeable future. That’s bad news for farms, but great news for our infernal overlords.

—fuck!— no, that was not sarcasm!—

While there’s no water rain in the forecast, you can expect to see other forms of precipitation: toads, blood, and meat particulates are all not just possible, but likely. If you’re lucky enough to get some meat rain, grab an extra mouthful for me, would you?

—goddamn, would you stop doing that? it was a joke. of course our rations are sufficient!—

That’s all for today. Tune in tonight for our updated forecast. In the meantime, stay safe and, oh, God, no!

—Jim is dragged out of the picture, and crunching sounds are heard over his burbling screams—

Instructions

Leg 21 – The Weather Report Leg: Write a microfiction as a meteorological forecast.

Deliver some peppy, standard meteorologist jargon for a region experiencing whatever you want. For example, a metaphysical, apocalyptic event is coming!

The high barometric pressure can drop the anchorman to their knees while they’re describing things like the migration of biblically accurate angels.

The morning dew from hell and back.

Link back to all of this week’s prompts. Tune in tomorrow for the first of the next set!