Fictionwocky Leg 14

The Brawl Leg

“Help! Someone help me!” 

The cry for aid cuts across the night-dark city, echoing off graffiti-covered office buildings and decaying high rises.

“No one can hear you, Helen Pless, and even if they could, no one cares. You’re mine now!” The villain laughs madly while twirling his mustache.

“Dirk Disastro, you’re wrong. Also, why do you wear that thing in the first place? It makes you look stupid.”

“All great villains have mustaches to twirl, girlie. How else would everyone know that we’re evil?”

Disastro shoves Ms. Pless against the wall. The tip of one dangling mustache tickles her nose.

Ms. Pless sneezes. “I think they’d figure it out without the weird facial hair, honestly.”

Disastro gazes into the sky, just visible above the noisome alleyway. “But what I’ll do tonight will remove forever any doubt that I, Dirk Disastro, am the evilest villain in the Tri-County Area.”

Ms. Pless gasps in horror. “What are you going to do, Dirk?”

Disastro bends his head close and whispers in her ear. His moustache once again tickles her nose.

Ms. Pless sneezes again.

“Allergies?” Disastro asks. “I can give you a Benadryl if you want?”

Ms. Pless sniffs. “No, it’s your damn mustache.”

“Mwahaha! Now, tell me what you think of my evil scheme?”

Ms. Pless gasps. “It’s so evil! Well, middling evil?” She rethinks things a little more. “Actually, I could probably help you come up with something more evil if you’re feeling stuck.”

“What? My plan is the EVILEST!”

“I mean, it’s kind of annoying, so it’s got that going for it.”

“Annoying? I think you mean EVIL.”

“Well, no, not so much. Seriously, I’d be happy to—“

“Stop right there, evildoer!” Major Mallet appears at the alley entrance.

“At last! Someone who can actually appreciate my evilness.” Disastro rolls his eyes at Ms. Pless.

“Unhand her, you miscreant!” Major Mallet leaps forward into the alley, intent on rescuing the damsel in distress.

“You fool!” Disastro shouts. “I was never after Ms. Pless in the first place. It was YOU I wanted all along!” Disastro brings out a ray gun he’s been hiding beneath his cape.

“A cape, really? For a back-alley caper? Ms. Pless asks. “Don’t you think that’s a touch too formal?”

“Silence! Do you see me critiquing your attire?”

“Well, no, but I’m dressed a lot more sensibly. See, look: black slacks, good shoes that won’t slip on paved surfaces, and this sweater—“

“Silence! It’s time for me to mash Major Mallet!”

“Mash? That doesn’t really work, does it? I mean, you’ve got a raygun,” Major Mallet objects.

“I was just riffing on the M sound. Zap Major Mallet just doesn’t have the ring that I’m looking for.”

“What about ‘muss’?”

“What is he going to do, smear your makeup?” Ms. Pless asks.

“No, he’s—“

“I’m going to MURDER MAJOR MALLET!”

Major Mallet and Helen Pless: “Much better!”

“So glad you approve. Now DIE!” Disastro turns a dial. The ray gun powers up, evil green light playing down the length of the barrel. He laughs evilly and pulls the trigger. A blast of light engulfs the end of the alley, and when it clears… Major Mallet is nowhere to be seen!

“My nemesis is destroyed!” Disastro crows.

“Was he really your nemesis, though?” Helen Pless asks.

“He knew my name, which is more than I can say for any of the other superheroes.”

Suddenly — KAPOW! Major Mallet’s fist crashes into Disastro’s face.

“Surprise! You missed me!”

Disastro shakes off the blow. “It can’t be!”

“It can!”

“Can’t!”

“Can!”

CRACK!! Disastro lashes out at Major Mallet, clobbering him in the face.

“You’ll have to do better than that!” Major Mallet laughs. THWACK! CRACK! BOOOM! He punches Disastro in the stomach, then brings his knee up into his face as his foe doubles over in agony. Finally, he brings his fists down in a double hammer-hand attack, sending Disastro to one knee.

“Give up, Disastro! Good will triumph! After that, I’m taking Helen out for dinner so she can show me her appreciation up close and personal.”

“You think so?” Ms. Pless asks, one eyebrow arched, a look of disgust on her face. Disastro collapses to the ground.

Major Mallet reaches for her. “Why not give me a little ‘thank you’ sugar now?”

“Oh, for godsakes,” Helen Pless sighs. ZOWIE!! She kicks Major Mallet in the nuts. He doubles over and falls to the ground next to Disastro. Helen Pless picks up the discarded ray gun and walks out of the alley.

Instructions

Leg 14 – The Brawl Leg: Write a microfiction as a fight/brawl scene.

It can be a tavern brawl, a divine wrestling match, a bank raid, an office punch-up, or even a Kaiju fight (for monsters, also brawl). Make the form take damage with interruptions, sounds: WHACK, THUD, KRAK, OOF, THWACK, etc. Maybe the narrator gets hit. Whatever.

It’s up to you! Make it fun.

Link to the past week’s prompts.